This week in our small-town police blotter: A devil-worshipping businessman, crab meat in the jewelry box, and the theft of a Zippo lighter

It’s been awhile since our weekly newspaper reported any funny stories from the local police blotter, but this week there were three. Here they are, exactly as reported (with added illustrations):


” An employee of a Cleveland (Georgia) bank reported that an individual had come into the bank to discuss opening a business account.  The man had been to the bank three months ago about the same thing but left before he opened the account.  The secretary had tried to explain the forms to him at that time and he said there was no need, that he could read upside down because he used to service the devil.  The employees told police that the same man had been to the bank (branch) in (the town of) Helen about opening an account but grew angry when the employee tried to explain the forms to him and said that he worshiped the devil.”


“A … resident reported that she was in the process of moving from an apartment.  She looked in her jewelry box where she normally kept three one hundred dollar bills and discovered the money gone.  Someone had put crab meat in the drawer where the money had been.  She mentioned that her roommate was not happy about her moving out.”


“A … resident reported the theft of medication twice over the last month, and then the theft of a Zippo lighter (cigarette lighter). Police asked her why she hadn’t called when the medication was taken, and she said that calling them wouldn’t get the medication back.  But when the lighter was taken, she called.”

You gotta love living in a small town!

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