Out of focus and “wintering”

I’ve called it “hermitizing.” Others call it “wintering” or hibernating.

I haven’t posted here in seven weeks, which must be my longest stretch without a blog post. When not dealing with repairs to my late father’s home and his vacation house or cleaning out the rather large house (tasks which feel as if they’ll never end), I’ve spent a lot of time alone. Thinking. Planning. Not socializing much. Not blogging. Not taking photos. Trying to take care of myself.

I’ve now lost my mother, my father, and my husband. My sister remarried (a sweet, fairy-tale romance) and moved away. My brother has been estranged from the family for decades, by his own choice. I have no family near me anymore. I live on the backside of beyond, in the middle of nowhere. I’m getting older. My daughter and her family are a two and a half hour drive away, and I want to be near them.

So I’m trying to find myself again, to figure out who I am and what I want to do with my life from here on out. Things are a little out of focus lately, much like this photo which I took this evening.

“Wintering” is what I’m doing, and that’s okay.

You may think yourself lazy, or flawed. Yet your body is made of almost exactly the same elements as the stars. Your bone composition matches the coral in the seas and you, my friend, are ruled by the moon and the sun. Whether you like it or not. So no, you are not lazy, Nature is simply pulling you to slow, like the life, the floral and fauna around you. It is not your moment to rise. It is winter, you are wintering. And you are right on time. (DONNA ASHWORTH)

10 Comments Add yours

  1. Yes, you have had so many life-changing events over the last few years! I am glad you are taking time to take care of yourself and think about what you want. I hope you come up with lots of options that will work for you. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you. I’m working on it!


  2. bushboy says:

    I do hope you are taking care of yourself Deb.
    You are facing some real mountains of late but I know you’ll climb to the top and say look at me. aren’t I wonderful.
    Living in a forest as I do, has so many wonders and your photo is magical to me. It is daunting to think of what’s to come. I am much the same.
    My girls are only an hour away (in different directions) so it is more convenient to meet for lunch in town when ever we can.
    I am a Moon child and my moods can be swayed.


    1. Thank you. Everything changes. Nothing stays the same, and it feels as if the older I get the faster the changes come. I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster at times. You are blessed to be as close to your daughters as you are. I do hope I can move closer to my daughter soon.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. dgc says:

    I love the concept of wintering … of quietly accepting a slowing down of life in these cool months. Setbacks in health for my wife and heart surgery for me have slowed me to an unfamiliar but not unpleasant crawl, and these next several weeks are scheduled to include more afternoons naps and evenings by the hearth fire. But it does have a right feel, a feeling of being”right on time”. Wintering. Good luck and fond wishes with your life events — figuring out how the new puzzle pieces fit best for the going forward.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Don. My aunt did a blog post about wintering, and the concept really hit home with me. Afternoon naps are good; I had a short nap this afternoon myself. I’m sorry about the health issues and hope both you and your wife are improving. Fond wishes to you, too.


  4. Maureen Helen says:

    Lovely to see a new post from you and to read you are well. I do hope you can move closer to your family soon so that you can enjoy their support and company. Too much alone-time is not good for our aging souls and bodies.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! You are quite right that too much alone-time is not good. I do go to early Mass every Sunday and then out to breakfast with a group of friends, and we have a lovely time socializing. But I hope to be able to be closer to family soon.


  5. Baseball Gal says:

    Hermitizing is the perfect word. I felt it reach my soul.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for that. I definitely like it better than “hibernating” or “wintering”. I borrowed the word hermetizing from someone else because it reached my soul, too.

      Liked by 1 person

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